Film: ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze’ – The giant mutant dandelion would have made a better foe

My sibling really liked the first ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ film but it has been so long since I’ve seen it that I can’t remember it in the slightest – apart from there were giant green turtles in it.

I recently found the second film in a charity shop, 1991’s ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze’, it was very cheap and I thought that it would be funny.

teenage mutant ninja turtles 2

(Film poster)

It transpires that I was mistaken, I can’t speak for the first film but the second one was dire; all the turtles had annoying voices, the villains were very easy to defeat and the dialogue was awful even for a film aimed squarely at children! For example “their burping is probably retarding the reaction” is not a good line, even when it’s only purpose is to prompt the Turtles to misuse a fire extinguisher to defeat a mutant dog.

At the time of purchase I wasn’t aware that Vanilla Ice was in the film, now I am frantically trying to purge that segment (and the entire film) out of my mind. Which is a bit of a pity as Jim Henson’s Creature Shop did a good job with the costumes and faces.

I have a theory that this film may have stunted the intellectual development of any child that saw it – it would explain my sibling’s more recent actions. As I recall my sibling also liked ‘Biker Mice from Mars’ so I may have to find an episode of that to see if it has similar brain-rotting powers.

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