Film: Pirates of The Caribbean 5 – “No shame in that, dear. We all have to make a living”

Depending on your geographic location Pirate of the Caribbean 5 will have been either ‘Dead Men Tell No Tales’ or ‘Salazar’s Revenge’ – which seems a stupid way to market a film but maybe they felt the Americans prefer dead bodies to foreign names?

Sometimes it feels a bit of a mystery who the target audience for a film is, for example is there really a huge market of people wanting to pay money for the fifth instalment of Johnny Depp playing an inept drunk pirate who inexplicably ends up coming out on top of any situation?

As IMDB list the cumulative worldwide gross as being $794,861,74 then yeah I guess there are, admittedly I wasn’t one of them, I just found the film on a streaming service that I already have a subscription for and had enough curiosity to press play on

pirates of caribbean

The first hour is watchable in a hammy sort of way; Will Turner’s son Henry is all grown up and looking for a way to break daddy’s curse – he thinks that way might be Poseidon’s Trident.

Henry meets the semi-zombie Captain Salazar who Jack Sparrow managed to trap in a Devil’s Triangle a few years ago.

In Saint Martin a young woman, Carina, who has an interest in astrology (that links to her currently unknown father) and is promptly accused of witchcraft. Jack is also on the same island and is being generally daft, after some hi-jinks he trades his magic compass for alcohol – which is a bad idea as somehow this frees Salazar from the Triangle and he isn’t a happy zombie so decides to hunt down Jack

zombie shark.jpg

The hunting down part takes a while and gets rather dull, apart from the underused zombie sharks. A surprise-free summing up of the entire last hour of the film is: Jack wins, all the named cast fulfil their guessable fates, everyone else is irrelevant and are treated as such.

Much like the last couple of films in the Pirates franchise there is absolutely no point or character development and only mild entertainment. Maybe they should just open another theme park ride based on the next script, it might just about work for a 5 minute ride.

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