Transformers age of extinction 

If you were considering seeing ‘transformers age of extinction’ for the Dinobots … Really don’t

It’s 156 minutes and the Dinobots appear right at the end – as the autobot’s bitches…

Absolutely awful film 

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Film: Debug – Science fiction on a low budget

‘Deug’ is a lame space film which feels like a very budget homage to ‘Event Horizon’ Jason Momoa (Khal Drogo from Game Of Thrones) is an insane computer programme who kills the stupid teenagers who land on his spaceship.

It is a very dull and predictable film with no redeeming features.

Debug

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Film: ‘St Trinian’s 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold’ – “Others have greatness thrust upon them, like Monica Lewinsky.”

The first of the new St Trinian’s films was mildly amusing – it isn’t good but it aims for easy lowbrow laughs and largely succeeds.

The second was on Film4 and I rashly felt it might be worth taping. It was awful, pointless, dry and cringe-inducing.

It was also remarkably sexist for a film that painted the bad guys as being members of an anti-women secret society.

I can only hope that the planned 3rd film in this St Trinian’s reboot was reconsidered after this festering pile of sexist trash.

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Film: ‘The 13th Warrior’ – “Tomorrow the pus will run, and you’ll have a fever”

‘The 13th Warrior’ can be summed up as nothing happens for ages and then they go fight in a cave.

Oh and don’t trust anyone who dresses up as a bear.

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Film: ‘Intolerable Cruelty’ – “I said I wouldn’t whilst I wasn’t which implies no promise once I am.”

Divorce and Divorce  Lawyers hardly seem an obvious theme for a romantic comedy. Which probably explains why ‘Intolerable Cruelty’ is labelled as a romantic black-comedy.

I must confess that I have a certain opinion of Catherine Zeta-Jones having seen ‘Entrapment’ – which featured a rather large age gap between her and Sean Connery and general manipulation of affections.

This opinion isn’t massively flattering and is probably horribly unfair – although  ‘American Sweethearts’ added to the opinion also.

Intolerable_cruelty

In the interests of politeness I won’t comment on Michael Douglas being 20-odd years older than her or his really interesting comments about what caused his cancer. The latter did make me feel sorry for her.

Anyway, If one happened to already have potentially thought that Zeta-Jones was a money digging slut would mean that believing her role in ‘Intolerable Cruelty’ needs no suspension of disbelief.

This is a good thing as, at least in this, she can’t act for toffee.

George Clooney is similarly afflicted, I’m aware that it could be really fantastic acting, but he seems too smug for words and wears it like a second skin.

There were some funny lines but overall it was a very disposable film.

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Film: Dentists in Film

The Husband has been having teeth issues of late, they could be less self-inflicted and are costing a pretty penny so I’m feeling oh-so-very sympathetic.

Which is why I decided to try to find some horror films with dentists in for his enjoyment…

Much to my surprise I couldn’t find many – yes there are a couple of trashy B movies but nothing worth tracking down or spending good money on.

There is Steve Martin’s character in ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ and of course that scene in ‘Marathon Man’ but other than that I ended up at ‘Teeth’ which is an odd little film but not really suitable.

It is surprising as there are lot of films about evil clowns and I’m sure at least as many people are unhappy about dentists as about clowns. Perhaps it is because seeing a dentist is mandatory whilst clowns are generally avoidable and everyone is too scared to risk annoying their dentist…

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Film: Ex Machina – “Isn’t it strange, to create something that hates you?”

The official blurb is along the lines of “A young programmer is selected to participate in a breakthrough experiment in artificial intelligence by evaluating the human qualities of a breathtaking female A.I.” – thank you IMDB.

I would personally rephrase it to “an annoying programmer with zero social skills is selected by his creepy pervert boss to perv on an android with boobs in an isolated environment which screams of a set-up.”

ex machina

(It is a film poster for a film about a robot… I know lets make her pose so both her boobs and her butt are the main focus points)

This might be a bit of a hint that I didn’t get on with the film, it was slow, the two human leads were annoying and irritating. The female androids were unnecessarily sexualised – which just rammed home how male orientated this film was.

I wish there had been less random female nudity, I wish the film had an actual point – other than “don’t be a pervert” – although that is the point that I draw from the film rather than the one the maker probably wanted me to take away.

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