Book: H P Mallory’s ‘Fire burn and cauldron bubble’ – “When a business partner’s friend sticks her ass in your face, discussing the weather is the best line of recourse.”

‘Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble’ is book 1 in the Jolie Wilkins Series and is apparently a paranormal romance novel – although the cover art makes me think it is more likely to be chick lit with a couple of magic spells thrown in. But I’m still feeling under the weather so something easy to read might be a nice distraction for a couple of hours – oh yes and it was free.

I haven’t read much chick lit but the main character in this book seems ridiculously dumb and in need of more rescuing than most. Jolie is so dumb that she doesn’t know how long a fortnight is, that is insanely stupid and I’m not sure what the book telling the reader that was meant to inspire – distain, pity, homicidal wishes?

Her best friend Christia is a flat out slut and not really a good friend at all – by page 21 I am already expecting her to be behind a pretty horrendous betrayal before the book is done.

Fire Burn And Cauldron Bubble

By page 30 I want to stop reading, it doesn’t make any sense – a random warlock (with a British accent) walks into some shop in Nowhereville in America in the present day and convinces the tarot card reading owner to come with him to Chicago to find out who killed a person in the 1920s. She gets all hot and bothered by him, but goes anyway, takes her slutty friend and tries to ignore her attraction to the warlock.

There have been little attempt at characterisation or scene setting, everyone is annoying and shallow, the writing is basic and has no depth or descriptions.  I can’t see there being any payoff if I continue to read but I can’t work out where this drivel is going.

Slogged through to page 60, ok stupid Jolie has managed to go to a fancy dress party and sign her life away to being a glorified supernatural slave and will have to give up her old life – instead going to live in England with the warlock. What a weird concept for a plot, they would have been better off not involving vampires and supernatural unions as the author isn’t capable of writing romantic drivel between a stupid little girl and a warlock, much less anything deeper or more complicated.

I skipped from page 62 to about the last ten pages of the book and just about managed to slog through those. The writing gets worse, I’m not even going to comment on the awful writing dialogue in accents attempt, Jolie needs shooting and ending the book on (spoiler?) fairies joining the fight against the mean female witch who invited Jolie to the fancy dress party back on page 60 ish.

Book deleted with joy in my heart.

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