Film – Army Of Darkness: The Medieval Dead – “are all men from the future loud-mouth braggarts?”

I hadn’t seen any of Sam Raimi’s ‘Evil Dead’ films in years so jumped at the chance to watch the 3rd one – which in the UK is known as ‘Army Of Darkness: The Medieval Dead’; although may have a different name depending what country you are in!

Because nothing helps a film like having an unclear and muddled marketing campaign!

The plot is Ash (Bruce Campbell) ends up trapped in the Middle Ages and eager to get home in the right timeline, however this is almost incidental as it does little more than enable lots of undead to be killed.

For a comedy horror film from the early 1990s it’s held up pretty well and due to the handy recapping introduction you don’t even need to rewatch that first two ‘Evil Dead’ films. The film itself is pretty good – silly but enjoyable, I did catch myself thinking that some scenes weren’t exactly as I remembered however I assumed that was due to the years elapsed since I last watched it.

However things got a bit weird when it got to the ending as it wasn’t the ending that I was expecting at all!

Apparently there are two endings depending on if you view the US version or the UK/ Director’s cut

The endings are: (SPOILERS)

The US ending has Ash return to the present and back working in the S-Mart where he confronts one last Deadite. This was the ending that I was expecting and didn’t get!

However apparently the other ending is preferred by Raimi and Campbell, where Ash walls himself into a cave – with his Oldsmobile, takes too many drops of magic sleeping potion and wakes up in a post-apocalyptic landscape

So all very confusing!

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2018 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Book: Lisa Shearin’s ‘The Dragon Conspiracy’ – “Not for goblins. Pink is the color of pure evil.”

‘The Dragon Conspiracy’ is a sequel to Lisa Shearin’s ‘The Grendel Affair’ which features the adventures of the SPI – the Supernatural Protection and Investigations , specifically Makenna Fraser who is their newest Seer and is rather out of her depth.

dragon conspiracy_front mech.indd

‘The Grendel Affair’ was odd but intriguing – basically whatever goes bump in the night is thrown into a modern urban setting and manages to be believable. It was a good book but on my initial read I felt it was a little light, however upon rereading it I was pleasantly surprised.

‘The Dragon Conspiracy’ had an interesting premise but felt a little speedy in terms of plot resolution. I think I need to reread it with a quieter mind.

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Film: Stake Land – “Waitin’ for the messiah, but… he never came. Death came in its stead. And it came with teeth”

I’d heard very good things about ‘Stake Land’, but I can’t remember from whom. I was convinced my sibling had raved about it, but they deny this. Perhaps it was the friend who gave us flu – although I am blaming them for pretty much anything at the moment.

Either way, ‘Stake Land’ was watched and the hype seemed overly generous.

stake land

The plot is simple, boy watches family experience death by vampires, is rescued by a grumpy man, grumpy and boy go wandering across America looking for the safe zone.

Which is pretty much the plot to most post-apocalyptic films ever.

There is no humour, no wit, no spark that sets ‘Stake Land’ apart from anything that has gone before it, the only thing is does have is Connor Paolo in the lead role. Unfortunately for Paolo I’ve seen ‘Revenge‘ and his character was an awful waste of space in that, so spent I most of the film failing to suspend my disbelief and increasingly finding that he felt like a waste of space in this as well.

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Film: Night Of The Living Dorks – They didn’t dub the music, German punk sounds odd

‘Die Nacht der lebenden Loser ‘ was filmed in German in 2004, in 2007 it was dubbed and released to an English speaking audience as ‘Night of the Living Dorks’.

Philip, Wurst and Konrad are high-school losers who smoke dope, are bullied and lust after unavailable girls.

Then they get turned into zombies and hijinks ensue.

It is pretty much like watching a lower budget version of ‘Idle Hands’ with a soundtrack made up of German punk music.

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Book: Dawn Nicole Stevens’ ‘Forgotten (The Mystikó-lykos Series Book 1)’ – “Things between them would be different now that she remembered who she was”

So far free Kindle books are broadening my horizons – in so far as I now really understand that something which is free can still feel overpriced.

Case in point being Dawn Nicole Stevens’ ‘Forgotten’. It is basically werewolves with added twaddle.

A woman, let’s call her Jane Doe, wakes up in a US hospital with no memory, is convinced to follow a strange man to Germany – GERMANY. Good grief, even with no memory how on earth does that seem a good idea?

Then Jane decides to dwell on how fab it would be to have a mate – full on life partner territory, she has no memory and knows that she doesn’t have an existing mate … because she hasn’t been bitten… oh my goodness.

Perhaps this drivel is readable if you like nonsensical lazy gender stereotypes, for example:

“She had a pretty face, but she wasn’t really curved like a woman.”

Perhaps it is tolerable if you like your female lead to be weak, spineless and stupid:

“She wasn’t a woman worthy of a man like Dirk. She had so many dark secrets hidden away in her consciousness. She wasn’t the sweet, naïve women he’d rescued from the hospital.”

Urk, I don’t understand the appeal of this sort of story – even if I try. The entire story is written as though the author’s first language isn’t English – things are often phrased in a clunky manner and the incorrect word used (Manor instead of Manner).

Delete is a wonderful function!

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Book: Becca Mills’ ‘Noland’ – “None of that meant a thing to the beast. Either blood would be shed over the matter, or it would not.”

I picked this book up because I read about the author’s recent experience with a malicious use of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) and because this book was free – book 2 costs money but I was open minded about paying for it if I liked the first one.

Beth has panic attacks and no real support system. She lives alone in the small town she grew up in and barely sees her brother or his kids due to his wife’s rabid dislike of her.

Beth takes photos on a non-digital camera and develops them herself, one day she sees a monster foot in one of the photos – but she swears it wasn’t there when she took the photo. Then weird stuff starts to happen and she finds herself dealing with powerful forces who think she has skills they can use.

nolander The start of the book was rather good, Beth was ok, the plotline was interesting, the characters were developing – even if Williams was clearly a pyscho,  and then the book got odd.

I think it probably got odd around the time statutory rape was mentioned and that the quasi-demonic creatures could, I’m paraphrasing, “make you want it even if you don’t”.

This seems a bit rapey for what had been reading like a Young Adult book, but I tried to ignore that feeling. I continued through the  MASSIVE plot jump and getting lost in the jungle bit and the random octopus bits – seriously I don’t know why we need to know the octopus’ gender.

By now I’m over 60% through the book and increasingly aware that this wasn’t the plotline that I started with or one that was strong enough for me to suspect my disbelief – increasingly I was getting a  bored and creeped out.

The odd phrasing of talking about characters who are searching for Beth but Beth is commenting on their actions as if she is there with them and using the word “me” was jarring.

But I got through that speedbump and was on the home stretch only to find that the end of the book seemed random too, it was as if the book wanted to be a slaves and masters romance but felt urban fantasy might be a more modern genre.

‘Nolander’ isn’t a bad book, but it feels like two books accidentally got spliced together and just had to roll with it. I was personally more interested in the original story than the one I fell into, so I won’t be continuing with Beth’s adventures.

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Film: ‘Bats’ – “Clip their wings? Man, could you just shoot their damn heads off”

It is cold and dark out, it has been for weeks and I’ve taken the time to watch some films from the iffy pile.

There seem to be a surprising number of films that are in this pile and some of them have been better than expected – for example ‘Bats’.

There is a vicious rumour that ‘Bats’ was intended to be a straight horror film, but as the plot is about genetically mutated bats terrorising a small town that can’t possibly be true.

bats film poster

The special effects are awful, the dialogue is stilted and it is a really funny film.

It does have Lou Diamond Phillips in it and he is possibly more scary than the bats.

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Film: ‘Alone in the Dark’ – “What the hell’s going on here? “

Uwe Boll films are awful, this is a given, but even by his very low standard ‘Alone in the Dark’ is a festering pile of ick.

It is hard to pinpoint exactly what is wrong, other than everything. Christian Slater isn’t hideously miscast as Edward Carnby, detective of the paranormal, unexplained and supernatural – but the script stinks and his dialogue is hackney at best.

pump up the volume

(‘Pump up the Volume’ is increasingly looking like it will be Christian’s best film)

The plot is unrelated to the video games in almost every way, it bumbled along making very little sense with random dog-monsters and one action scene – which has been edited to look like a montage for no apparent reason.

Tara Reid is just pointless.

In fact the whole film is pointless and it felt like a very long 90 minutes.

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Book; Justin Cronin’s ‘The Passage’ – “The thing was, most of these mistakes were actually borrowed from other people. You took their bad ideas, and for whatever reason, made them your own.”

It is Monday, today should be a book post but I’m struggling to finish the two things I’ve been reading – one is a useful non-fiction book that I hope to finish and apply the teachings to my knee. The other is ‘The Passage’ by Justin Cronin.

‘The Passage’ is a rather large book and came highly recommended, so my expectations were high. The plot sounded good, government experiment involving a virus, convicts and (weirdly) a little girl goes wrong and unleashes a vampiric plague onto the world.

The first section was engaging if a little wordy and then I got to the bit where they jump into the future and I got bogged down to the point where I didn’t care anymore and didn’t want to continue as there was SO MUCH book left to go.

the passage

This is bugging me as I can’t remember the last time I didn’t finish a book – even if it sucked, and because I’ve spent so much time on the book I sort of want to get to the end.

Except I’ve read the ending already and it seems to be lining up for the sequel but not much else!

I have no intention of going back to the book but I can’t bring myself to get rid of it, so it is sitting in the book of the car waiting to go to the charity shop but never quite making it. It is all very annoying!

So with that in mind I’d like to share a picture that made me laugh

art - twat

(For sale at The Other Art Fair)

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Film: The Covenant – “Boys, that girl hasn’t worn panties since she was twelve. “

‘The Covenant’ is 2006 teen-themed horror with a mildly metal soundtrack and a cast hired more for their looks than their acting ability.

Four friends at a posh school are the teenage descendants of a 17th century coven of witches. They gain some superpowers at 13 and then more at 18 when they “ascend”.

A lot of the film is their mild hi-jinks, some intrigue as to who is using (their powers) and a budding romance between the eldest of the friends and some blonde.

The film is enjoyable trash until about two-thirds of the way through, before it gets both silly and rather dull.

the covenant

The big showdown being in a barn is a little lame given some of the prettier sets used earlier in the film. But then the big showdown does appear to consist of them throwing globs of goo at each other.

I have a theory that the goo, the bros before anyone else attitude, the *really* questionable line about panties and the amount of male nudity (mostly topless but at least one bare bottom) on screen are less about the addictive and alluring power of magic and more about someone’s barely repressed homosexual urges.

I hasten to add that I have no issue with the lifestyle choice that underpin either interpretation and suspect that the homosexual explanation feels more likely to be accurate!

Also if using magic ages you badly and makes you more addicted to using then I’d suggest that using it to repair a broken windscreen is pretty stupid.

Copyright © WhereEvilThoughts 2015 – excluding pictures! Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to WhereEvilThoughts with appropriate and specific direction to the original content